I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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