I can tuck mytits in my pants
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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