What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
