So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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