My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
