I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
