Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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