So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
