and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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