I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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