I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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