you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
