I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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