Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
