I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
