i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
