Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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