In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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