They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
