I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
