I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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