It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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