she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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