If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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