Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
