Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
