Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
