i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
