Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
