The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
