so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Sext me about skeletons
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
