I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
be right there i have to get my cape
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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