Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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