Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
