Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
