This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
