Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
