dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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