So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
