I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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