Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
