soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
