Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
