Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
