Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
