tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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