I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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