it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
