Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
