rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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