i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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